tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
