i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
foreskin is a definite game changer
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
