Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
