the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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