We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just want nice things and good sex
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize