Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Randomize
