Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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