4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
