Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You may now shotgun with the bride
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
