I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I could fuck to npr.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
