You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
