I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize