you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
