party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
