Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
