Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
