"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
