Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
