Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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