i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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