hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hell yes lets make some ravioli
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
