o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
