you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize