I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
