I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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