May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
