Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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