My liver just broke up with me...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
