the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
