i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
