PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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