She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
