So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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