And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize