sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
