hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize