i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this will be a night to untag.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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