i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need to calm my uterus...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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