turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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