i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
