You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
