On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
