Well apparently he's into motor boating.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
