Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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