your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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