somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
