Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
