You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
