Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He better not be in your backpack
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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