he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
