so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
