i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
