Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I need to stop coming to work sober
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
