i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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