We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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