It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
