I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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