I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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