the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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