Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
