Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
