When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
