it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I understand Curling. That high.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
