the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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