It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
