You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
