So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize