So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
